Itching, burning, scratching - Seroquel you bastard!

I know, I promised some more entries the other day but I was busy with an ITCH that is  all over my body. Sounds weird? Well, let me explain.

My skin had been weird the moment I started taking the Seroquel. But I blamed it on the dry air and the sun. We haven't had much rain this summer and it had been quite hot. And I have quite weird skin due to the PCOS, hormone imbalance. That means that I still get pimpels, I bascially never have clear skin. But thanks to make-up, concealer and powder, most people don't see my ugly face much. Anyway, so my back was a bit itchy and my arms. But then it exploded. I got HUGE bumps on my skin, in my face, my arms and my legs. And the rest of my skin was itching and burning like hell. It wasn't the same kind of itch that I had from the Lamictal but I kind of had the same feelings, feverish, weak and confused. I had just called my psychiatrist a day before about the restless legs I get from Seroquel/Quetiapine and he had told me to take sedatives against that. So I didn't want to call him again because I hate being annoying and bothering other people too much. 

But on Thursday I couldn't take it anymore. The big blops really looked weird and most of my body was itching and the rash had spread. So I called my psychiatrist to ask him if it could have anything to do with the Seroquel. He told me to stop taking it because it could be some kind of allergic reaction. So I haven't taken the med since Thursday. 

I don't have any new rash and the big ones in my face are getting smaller. The ones on my arms have disappeared. But my skin is still acting up. I have small spots/dry spots in my face. And my whole damn body is constantly itching. It is so annoying! Oh, and the restless legs syndrome is gone. I also have a little bit of asthma and itchy eyes. But that could be from my cat, I sometimes get that. But the itching, oh gosh! Sometimes it's almost burning, especially on my palms and the soles of my feet. My face feels hot all the time. Even my scalp is burning. And everything else is itching itching itching. GAH!

I read up on it and many people get the itching as a withdrawal-symptom from the Seroquel. And as I'm ubersensitive to meds I even get withdrawal symptoms after only 3 weeks on the med. Lucky me. I have given it a thought if I might be allergic to something else as well. I mean, because the big spots/bunbs are getting weaker and I haven't gotten any new ones I can be quite sure that they were caused by the Seroquel. But the itching?  I don't think it's our new kitten, we have had him for almost a month, I should have gotten symptoms much earlier. And I haven't eaten anything new that I'm not used to. We are using a fairly new fabric softener but we have been using that one for almost two months. And the symptoms I have are not typical cat-allergy. And if I was allergic to the fabric softener, I'd have a rash where my clothes touch my body. Well, I don't. It's just itching and burning everywhere! Even in my vagina! In my ears. Fortunately not in my mouth. GAH!

So I guess I'll just have to wait and see. I am quite convinced that this itching is a withdrawal symptom, especially because it got really really bad when I stopped taking the med. Before that I had a bit of an itch but the rash and the bumps looked much worse. Another withdrawal-symptom I have is weakness in my legs. I have fallen twice because I suddenly lost all feeling in one of my legs. Yay. I also have a headache which is really persistent.

I've taken 12,5 mg Atarax so I could get rid of the itching. It helped a bit but my face and my palms are still burning. And I'm really tired and I'll most likely have a hangover soon. I have bought Bepathen for the weird dry burning spots in my face and hopefully it will help. I also put some on my palms but they burn just as much as before. Really, I hope this will go away soon. 

I will never take any antidepressant, mood-stabilizer or anti-psychotic medication again. I'm done. They make me suffer, they make me feel even worse mentally and physically than I am without meds. That's it. I'm so angry at myself for letting myself be convinced to try out the Seroquel. The doctor shouldn't have suggested it in the first place. I can't take meds, period. 

I need a life

I still got a headache. I guess I need to take more painkillers although I really don't want to as they made me throw up yesterday. Blergh. I was supposed to meet my social worker today but we rescheduled, again. He only wanted to meet me today so we could call the psych center today. And as I done that already yesterday on my own, he preferred meeting on Friday instead. It's fine with me as I'm in a period right now where I really want to avoid meeting people. Honestly, there's some kind of manipulative force in me that really makes me come up with the lamest excuses so I don't need to see someone face to face. I actually haven't been out, like outside of my apartment, for over two weeks. It's really pathetic. And I know the less I go out, the harder it will be to go out in the future. Eh, but avoiding anxiety really sounds like a good idea to me right now.

The psych center called back yesterday and I got new prescriptions for my sleepingpills and sedatives. So that's good. But they couldn't see in their system if I'm on some kind of waitinglist or not. But I seem to be registered there otherwise I wouldn't have gotten the prescriptions. But I don't have a psychiatrist who is responsible for me. And I don't know if and when I'll meet a new therapist. So how exactly am I supposed to get better and get back into society? Huh? I don' have any valid sickpapers right now either. It doesn't matter so much because I don't get any money from anywhere anyway. But it would be good for my self-esteem. To have it black on white that I'm not lazy but ill. 

I'm going to take a painkiller now and then maybe exercise. My hyponchondriac thoughts tell me that I have meningitis. But I don't feel feverish. And it's a really uncommon illness. So I better take a painkiller so I don't get reminded of the headache and its causes constantly. My boyfriend is at the dentist and will probably get home in an hour or so. It would look good if I have exercised until then. 

I need a life ?!?

Painkiller-madness

My headache hasn't gotten any better. I forced myself to get some things done yesterday but in the evening I was just sitting in the dark livingroom, crying. It hurt so much and my anxiety got really high because of it. I was also really convinced that I had either meningitis or a brain tumor. My mind works in mysterious ways. And when I woke up this morning the pain was still there. Damn! But I have the best boyfriend in the world, he got me painkillers. So I have taken two painkillers and I am high! Well, not really high but it feels like I have cotton in my head. I'm a bit slow.  I'm so freaking sensitive to medication. I can get all messed up by two painkillers, the simple kind, the kind that you can get over the counter. So I am having a lollipop in my mouth and I'm listening to The Cure. My headache is still there but it's not as throbbing as it had been this mornng. I won't drink any coffee today, keep my smoking to the lowest possible and drink lots of water. And take two painkillers every four hours. I have started a war on my headache! HA!

I cancelled my appointment with my socialworker T. He'll come over tomorrow instead. I really need to talk to someone who is remotely professional so if the headache still hasn't given in I'll just take painkillers. I'm sure he'll have a good time, seeing my all high. Haha. I called the psych center myself today. I just got too worried about being out of medication soon. Of course I pressed the wrong number in the option-menu and got a totally unfriendly person on the line who told me to choose another option. Anyway, I chose the other option in the stupid menu, had to leave my phone number and social security number and now I'm waiting for them to call back. I don't even care about any sick-papers or getting to know if I'm still on any waitinglist. I need new prescriptions. I need my sleepingmedication. But I wonder if I'm really still registered there. Funny thing: I called and had to leave my number. And I had forgotten my own phone-number. I'm really messed up!

I got some clothes I had ordered last week delivered today. And they look awesome! It's a skeleton-dress and a tshirt with a zombie-cat. I like weird clothes!

I want harmony in my head

I have a headache. A really bad one. And I have no painkillers at home. Great. I could go to the pharmacy but that would take like an hour of preparation, at least. You know, I don't go out without having showered or wearing make-up. And then I need to smoke at least half a package of cigarettes because my anticipation-anxiety is so high. So I decided, no, I stay at home and suffer instead. It's all about setting priorities, which pain is stronger? Even though my headache is really bad, I really don't want to feel any extra-anxiety right now. 

I'm starting to worry about my prescriptions, I only have two weeks worth of medication left. My social worker told me that he couldn't reach anyone responsible at the psych-center. Damn. We'll try to call them together tomorrow. I need my prescriptions!!! That's really a huge worry for me. 

I had planned to have a productive day today. But really, I'm getting nothing done. I didn't vaccuum yesterday so I thought I'd do that today. I still haven't dyed my hair. I still haven't exercised. Or done my nails. Instead I have been fighting with my worries and with this stupid headache. Not to mention that I couldn't fall asleep last night and was still wide awake at 5 a.m.. Gosh, my life is so freaking meaningless. I wish this day would end soon. 

On a positive note: Margaret Thatcher is dead. Ding dong the witch is dead. Yup.