That's it, bye bye Propavan

I have had enough with the Propavan. Last autumn I tried to stop taking that medication but I ended up getting weird seizures every morning. That freaked me out so I took Propavan again. Everywhere it says that you won't get any withdrawal-symptoms from Propavan. But I and my stupid uber-sensitive body disagree. I actually think that you can get withdrawal-symptoms from any medication out there if you have taken it long enough. I have taken Propavan since December 2010. That's a long time! Most people take 50 mg, I only take 25 mg. 

Anyway, I think that Propavan is giving me nightmares. And it gives me a terrible hangover every morning. It takes me about two hours to wake up. And I feel dizzy and slow all day long. I still wake up a lot during the night. I still don't sleep properly. And it gives me a dry mouth. The one thing it helps me with is my evening-anxiety. It calms me down a bit.

This time I'm doing it in a smart way. I won't stop cold turkey. I'll gradually take less. So last night I broke a pill in two and took only half the dosage. And I'll only take those 12,5 mg for 10 days. And then I'll stop taking it. Hopefully I won't get the seizures this time. 

I don't feel like I have slept worse last night than with the full dosage. I'm actually more awake today. I don't feel as hungover. My anxiety is stronger though. So far I have done the dishes, replied to three e-mails, helped my boyfriend with the laundry, had breakfast, taken care of the cat and read the news on the net. And I have only been awake for 2 and a half hours. So somehow I have more energy. 

But as always when I make a decision, I need to reflect if the decision is rational or impulsive. Do I want to stop taking the Propavan because I'm feeling alright right now? I know a lot of people who stop taking their meds because they feel good and think they don't need the meds anymore. Then they crash because it was the meds that made them feel good in the first place. But Propavan is a sleeping pill not an antidepressant or

moodstabilizer. My psychiatrist even suggested that I could stop taking the med. I feel okay with my decision. I am also prepared that I'll sleep badly for a few weeks. And that I'll probably have more anxiety. I still don't want to take Seroquel. Sorry for dwelling on and on about my meds.