*yawn*

I'm so tired. As always I guess. My cat woke me up this morning, at 8.30 a.m. I think I got around five hours of sleep. You know, I need around 9 hours to feel okay and rested. So you can imagine how tired and drained I'm feeling right now. The last three days have been TERRIBLE!! But there have actually been some reasons for it. When I met my social worker I was in panic during the whole time, I was trembling and tried not to say too much. I've become really afraid of being sent to hospital against my will. So I'm pretending to be okay. Although I have been badly suicidal, fantasized about my death and felt a great relief at the thought of it all being over soon.

But today I'm feeling alright, although I'm tired. I had a good morning and I guess that made my vulnerabilities weaker. I received a package with clothes that I had ordered. Walking into the kitchen, seeing a package on the table with your name on it, that's just awesome! Then my boyfriend and I had a lovely breakfast with scrambled egss, bacon and strawberries. We sat on the balcony for hours, drinking coffee, enjoying the lovely summer-weather. We exercised together (him on his running-machine, me on my exercise-bike), we had a yummy salad for lunch. And now he's watching TV and I think I'll join him soon. Or maybe I'll go to the balcony again, with a book and my mp3-player. I'm trying to think of the "now", DBT-style. It's funny, I hated doing the DBT because I don't have Borderline Personality Disorder. I had been misdiagnosed and I got forced to do that therapy. Anyway, I hated it really badly. But nowadays I realize that there are a few, a very few, things that I actually try to use to make myself feel better. Things that I have been taught in the DBT. Like to think of the now if I'm too worried about the past or the future. I hate short-sighted actions, I always think that the bigger picture should be taken into consideration. But sometimes I just can't grasp the bigger picture, it gets too overwhelming, I get overly worried so I just focus on what's happening at this very moment. And right now I don't want to think about what has happpened during the last two days.

Later I'll have some frozen yoghurt and I think we'll watch some movies. And hopefully I can sleep tonight and my stupid (lovely, cute, adorable) cat doesn't wake me up early in the morning again. Gah, I am so tired!