Anxiety vs. Pain

I'm feeling a bit better. Well, the anxiety is still there but I don't feel as desperate anymore. I of course can't say how the rest of the day will turn out but I'll just stick to my routines and hope that I can get some things done. Accomplisment makes you feel better, they say. Well, my little accomplishments are pathetic but at least I don't feel like I've totally wasted my day. 

I had an interesting discussion with my roomate this morning. Well, about an hour ago. I got up 11 a.m. so it's morning for me. Anway, we talked about benzodiazipines and how people get addicted to them. I don't have an addictive personality. I have tried out all the drugs in the book (not heroine though, a friend of mine died from an overdose when I was 12 years old so that was a real no-go drug for me) and I never felt the urge of taking them all the time or taking more of them. I have actually never in my life bought drugs. I only took them when someone was offering them to me, like at parties. I even drank a lot during my teenage-years (well, up to I was 25 or so), every weekend I was out  partying and drinking. When I was 13 I stole my parents' booze and drank a bit every night to be able to sleep. That period lasted a few weeks, then I got tired of the constant hangovers. But I never drank because I had to. And these days I rarely drink. Actually, the last time I drank some alcohol was on New Year's Eve. I just don't have a personality that is drawn to addiction. And it's the same with benzo (I mean, I am taking the weakest benzo that is out there and I haven't taken a pill in what, five months?!?). Yeah, I can get easily high from them because my body is really really over-sensitive to medication. But that's not what I want, I want the anxiety to go away. But I mostly avoid taking them because I don't want to take these pills daily for the rest of my life. That will only ruin my brain. But P had a good point, anxiety should be treated as pain. And if you have an illness that gives you constant pain, you get to take painkillers all the time. But if you have constant anxiety, they hestitate to give you sedatives. Why is that? Why is pain more accepted than anxiety? I mean, how many people commit suicide because they have pain? How many of them die? How many people commit suicide because they have anxiety? I really don't get why mental illness is treated so much different from physical illness.

It's raining. I like rain. Really, I should move to the UK, they get lots of rain there. Maybe it's because I don't feel guilty for not going out. No one else is doing anything outside anyway when it's raining. Or maybe it's just the calming noise of the rain splattering on my window. Who knows.