Restlessness

I'm so freaking restless. I really can't focus. My anxiety level is really high and I can't get anything done. You know, every morning I think of the things I want to get done that day and I had big plans today. Well, not really. I wanted to exercise, I wanted to clean, I wanted to reply to some emails, I wanted to read. But I'm doing everything half-assed. 

I tried to do the dishes but I was shaking too much from the anxiety so I gave up on it. So my day has been so far exactly the opposite of what i had planned. It's all just pathetic. Others do the things I had planned and still work or study full-time. I'm such a loser! I hate my anxiety so bad right now! 

The sun is shining. I should probably go out. But I'm so restless from the anxiety, I feel like my whole body is twitching. I'm hungry so I guess I'll cook some lunch/dinner soon. It's 4 p.m. and all I have had today was some breakfast. My boyfriend will come home from work soon.

At least I managed to take a shower and put some clothes on. I would have felt really guilty if I was still running around in my PJs when my boyfriend came home after an 8 hours work-day. Really, my life is all about shame, guilt and anxiety.

I wish I had an idea where the anxiety is coming from today. What caused it? I've been told that anxiety always has a cause. Well, it must have been the bad sleep and the nightmares then. Great, nothing I can do about that. 

This is a bad day. I wish it was over soon.