Medieval Market

For once you are getting a photo that I have taken. I really would love to own a really good system-camera. But I only have a crappy digital camera and my smartphone. That's one of the things I want to learn in the future, to take awesome photos. That and to sew properly. I would love to be able to sew my own clothes. I have sooooo many ideas. But I'm really bad at crafts. I can do some DIY when it comes to clothes, like draw bats on my clothes and do patches to sew on. But that's it.

So last Sunday felt like the first day of spring in Stockholm. The sun was shining, it was warm and most of the snow had melted away. I love spring. We decided to go to the medieval market in Kungsträdgården in central Stockholm. We of course took the car, I just can't take the subway. Well, I probably could take the subway but it would mean a lot of anxiety and I really wouldn't be able to relax and enjoy myself. The market wasn't that big but it was interesting. In Germany the medieval markets are really huge, there is a whole scene dedicated to the Middle Ages. But in Sweden it really isn't that big of a thing. We walked around for an hour or so, listening to a band playing, looking at all the pottery and jewelry and looking at people trying out to shoot arrows. It was fun. 

Then we sat down on some stairs and did some people watching. The weirdest thing were two people dressed up as astronauts as an ad-gimmick for some some deodorant. So funny! We also also hit the stores so I could buy some new (cheap!!) make-up and some DIY-things.

My anxiety was under control. I felt uncomfortable but I just held on to my boyfriend. I was just glad that it was spring, that I could wear my sunglasses and that the sun was shining. But I got really annoyed by people taking pictures of me. I look different, really different. I know that and I'm doing that on purpose. I love my style, I love being goth, it's really who I am. And I know that people of course find it weird, interesting or whatever. I'm used to it. But I hate if people take pictures of me without asking. Hello?!? It's not like I'm some kind of celebrity or public person. I'm fine with it when they ask because I have the possibility to say no. And there were lots of people taking pictures of me!! Even with those huge system cameras. Assholes. So that really got on my nerves. I've had some weird experiences with people taking my picture. Like at 8 a.m. on the subway to university. And I really don't look all styled-up at that time of the day! One of the more awesome experiences was a couple of tourists from Yemen wanting to take a picture with me. They had never seen a goth before. Haha. So I gladly posed for the picture with them. But really, on Sunday it really got on my nerves and annoyed me. It increased my anxiety. It just wasn't nice. I remember that at the Peter Murphy-concert in Stockholm in 2011 there was a professional photographer and he asked to take my picture. So I had to pose in front of a white screen. And dozens of people were watching. And all I could see were the hundreds of flashes from his stupid camera. I got a massive panic attack and had to hide in the bathroom for a few minutes, taking sedatives and trying not to freak out. Conclusion: I don't ever want to become famous, a public person, a celebrity or a model. Although, I have to admit that, I feel flattered if people find me interesting or even beautiful enough to take a picture of me. And I need to feel like that sometimes, especially now, being all fat again.