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I had a terrible day yesterday. I really didn't get anything done, I mostly just stared at the TV, trying to not lose my mind. I guess my pms is a bad combination with the increased anxiety I have been having lately. I felt totally unmotivated, thought everything was useless and meaningless. So I tried to distract myself with watching the end of Season 2 of "The Walking Dead" and the movie "Changeling". 

Today I'm not much better but I really need to come out of this state of nothingness. So I baked chocolate buns this morning for breakfast (German recipe) which turned out great. They were really appreciated by my boyfriend and my roommate. I have cleaned a bit and I'll soon exercise for half an hour. Then I need to dye my sides red. I bleached them the other day and today my boyfriend finally fetched my Manic Panic hairdye from the post office. I order them online although there are some stores that sell not too far away from where I live. I've really come up with a lot of strategies to avoid to go out. That's probably nothing to be proud of. Another thing not to be proud of: I ate chocolate for breakfast. There was a lot of left-over chocolate after I had baked the buns. And I stuffed my face with it. I don't know if that's the pms or if it was just another binge-eating attack. I'm not diagnosed with any eating disorder but having PCOS makes you crave sugar a lot. So yeah. 

I'll have to go through my clothes and find something to wear for the concert tomorrow night. I haven't been out "partying" for months. So I'm really nervous about tomorrow. I'll have some sedatives in my bag, just in case. What I'm mostly scared about is meeting all the people I know. Some of them I haven't seen in a year and damn, I've gained so much weight in that year, I'm really fat compared to when they last saw me. I'll need to be social, hug people, talk to people. I don't want to! But maybe it will give me a boost. But what I really want is an invisibility cloak like the one Harry Potter has. Just throw it on, stand in a corner, enjoy the concert, without getting any attention. How great wouldn't that be? So, I'll spend my afternoon with looking for clothes, feeling fat and probably ending up with a dress that just hides my body. Or just something plain. I don' t know. Gosh, I should be excited about tomorrow night and not all anxious. 

I think we'll watch "The Hobbit" tonight. Something to distract myself with. Yay. My roommate will leave soon because he has a "black" job this weekend. Actually, I didn't even know that he was at home. He had said yesterday that he'd sleep over at a friend's. So I have been running around in my underwear and had just put on some clothes when he came out of his room. I would have died of embaressment if he had seen me in my underwear. My boyfriend is sleeping. My cat is sitting on the balcony. And as always, I'm the one being awake, restless, anxious. Gah. Nope, I'll stop whining now and start exercising. I need to burn off the calories from my chocolate-breakfast. Yeah.