Everything got out of hand yesterday evening. I had stomach cramps and my anxiety was sky-high. I still don't know where the stomach-cramps came from. They came either from my period (I doubt that though as they were more on the upper part of my stomach) or they were GAD-related (more likely). You know, I can actually feel the difference between my "anxieties". My GAD-anxiety is sneaky, always there and can sometimes just be physical symptoms that cause me to become a hypochondriac mess. Then there are panic attacks which are more sudden and that come up in certain situations. Then there's anxiety because of anxiety, the fear of getting anxiety. And anxiety because of my social anxiety. And sucicidal anxiety. And finally dissociative anxiety which is so fucked up that it leaves me in a state of apathy. Anyway, I think last night I had GAD-anxiety. I'm feeling a bit dizzy and off today which also often is a sign for too much worrying and underlying and constant anxiety. FUCK THIS!
As always, I didn't sleep to well. I was awake until 4 a.m. and woke up at 9 because my cat jumped around on me. Bless her, I love her, but damn! I haven't done that much yet, just my usual morning-routines. I just finished doing the dishes. I want to continue replying to an e-mail, then read and then exercise. We'll see how that goes.
I like my room mate. He leaves me alone. He doesn't bother me. He doesn't ask me how I'm doing. He doesn't give me that sort of negative attention that I hate getting. You know, when people feel sorry for you and want to help. That kind of attention just makes me feel vulnerable and inferior.
The sun is shining. I'm listening to Peter Murphy's "A strange kind of love" on repeat. I'm trying. I'm really trying.
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