Artificial Coma

Another night without much sleep. I fell asleep around 3 a.m. but woke up at 6, at 8 and at 9. I finally got up at 10 a.m. because I couldn't stand being in bed anymore. My cat was snoring next to me so I cuddled her a bit and then I started the new day. Not much has happened yet though. My roommate is awake but he is keeping to himself. He tends to run around in a bathrobe in the mornings and I don't know, it looks like he's naked under it. Haha. It's Friday and my boyfriend will be home from work one and a half hours earlier which is really nice. Until he gets here I want to clean up the place a bit, do the dishes and switch from pyjamas to a bra, a shirt and some leggings. Just so he doesn't see me as a lazy butt. 

I haven't planned much for the weekend. I guess we'll watch some DVDs. We'll maybe go and buy a new livingroom table as I got P's rent for April yesterday. That's actually my only income right now, the around 200 UsDollars (2000 SEK) that I get from P each month. And I spend that money on make-up and petrol for our car. I found a cheap and pretty livingroom table on the net so we'll go to the store and take a look at it. I don't get why livingroom tables are always so low, I want one that is high enough so I can have a meal in front of the TV without bending down and getting  a back pain.

I looked through my phone this morning and I found out that I haven't called or texted with anyone else than M for almost a month. Now that's pathetic!! Okay, I chat with people on Facebook but really, I haven't texted with a single person?!? What the heck do I have a cellphone for then? Pathetic! Then I realized that I haven't met a single friend since the end of January. I'm an expert at isolation. I sent myself into an exile. I'm pathetic.

When I think of the lack of sleep and the terrible anxiety I'm having these days, I think of my mate E that I met at a psych-unit I was admitted to last year. She's a really beautiful and smart person. She's suffering from GAD and often falls into deep depression. Poor girl got psychotic because of Seroquel (weird, eh? It's supposed to help you get rid of psychosis, not to give you one!) and smashed the front door of the unit, trying to escape. And she's really short and skinny. No idea where she got that power from. Anyway, so we were sitting in the TV-room of the unit and talked about anxiety and lack of sleep. And we both came to the conclusion that we would love to be put into an artifical coma for a few months, just so the body and the heart can get some rest. And to wake up rested! It's kind of weird that we both had thought of that before. I wonder if many people with anxiety have that wish, to be put into a coma for a time. It's kind of the light version of suicidality I guess.